Tribal Church

I’m at a church that is very supportive. I rarely get any criticism at all.

But… as things go… I do receive it from outside of my congregation, when people read my book, or when I lead workshops. Especially when the topic of what people under forty think about same gender relationships comes up.

I usually say that no matter where your church stands, a new generation is much more supportive of the rights for LGBT persons, and most of them will not put up with homophobia or hatred toward gays and lesbians. I usually point to UnChristian, a book where a couple of conservative evangelicals are struggling with this.

Or sometimes I say that Christianity is not the same thing as Republican party. Our leader is not Jerry Falwell. And the talking heads on FOX news do not encapsulate the full, complex essence of our faith. (Of course, I don’t want Christianity and Democrat to be synonymous either, but people don’t usually get confused about that.)

Since most of my family is very conservative, I always try to be wary of saying anything to put them down, or being disrespectful, or falling into those pernicious liberal traps of imagining that anyone on the right must be stupid, or ignorant, uneducated, or (gasp) Southern. I am proud of where I came from, I would never want to hurt the people who nurtured my faith as a child. I have just moved along to a different place in my journey.

And yet, usually, I get someone who is rather irritated… and he or she lets me know about it. Often vehemently. I’m not great at taking criticism, but I also realize that if a person is going to say something of substance, if she is going to suggest change, or if she is going to be a strong leader, then she just might step on a toe or two on the way. It just comes with the territory.

Let me switch scenes really quickly. A wonderful and gifted retired pastor once told me that she left a church that she planted because she was just really, really tired. But instead, she probably should have asked for a sabbatical, then she would have stayed longer.

I can be a dramatic, motherly, martyr-type. You know, the kind of person who would die before she took the last piece of the pie if she knew someone else wanted it. So that particular advice stuck with me. Sometimes we can find the endurance that we need if we take care of ourselves a bit.

As a result of all this, I’m trying to figure out a ritual. Something small and affirming that I can do when I face criticism, just to remind myself that my family loves me, I’m still an okay person. I think we all need these sorts of things, as church leaders. Many of us are people who like to be liked, and yet we are in positions where it’s impossible to make everyone happy.

I’m brainstorming… buy myself flowers, take a bath, do some gardening, go on a walk, wear a piece of jewelry that my husband or daughter gave me….

So, what do you do? Do you have something that you do to take care of yourself when you’re being criticized?

photo’s by Scandblue. Entitled “Beauty among the needles.”

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There’s no doubt about it, even though people often say things like, “They had a pastor who stayed too long,” usually, long-term pastoral leadership is good for the church. The years of ministry allow church leaders to gain the trust that is needed for important and vital ministry to be done. It is usually in the congregation’s best interest to keep their pastor happy for the long term.

And, pastors often leave before they should. If we could learn to stick it out a little longer, if we could be encouraged to take care of ourselves in times of harsh criticism, if we learned to surround ourselves with some caring and supportive people, then we could have much healthier denominations.

That being said, there are times when we should bail. I find walking away to be the most difficult thing to do as a pastor. And yet, I have had to do it. Here are a few indicators that it’s a good time to find another path.

If there is no way that you can financially survive. I don’t mean that we’re just not keeping up with the neighbors, our kids have fewer toys, our vacations are less extravagant, and our car’s ten years older. I mean when there is no way that we can meet our basic financial needs. Many of us have been caught in a shift—housing costs are much higher, our school debts are much deeper, but often the pastor’s salaries have not changed.

The sad thing about this is, we are conditioned to think that if we need more money, then we must be greedy. But sometimes, we just legitimately need more money. If you’re in that position, and you have cut every corner you can think of, your church can’t increase your salary, and you still cannot make it, then by all means, it’s okay to walk away.

If you’re health is being affected. If you find that you have stress-related ailments that are not going away, if you have a radical weight gain or loss, if you have serious depression that seems to be situational, or if you have acquired some sort of chemical dependency, then you can seek help. But, we cannot automatically rule out our environment as a factor. If you’re in a church that is constantly harsh and critical, and it’s overwhelming you and affecting your health, you can figure out some coping mechanisms, but sometimes it’s time to leave.

If your family is suffering. I have talked to a lot of pastor’s sons and daughters who have been damaged by how the church treats its pastors. Of course, there are wonderful things about being a pastor/parent, but there can also be very difficult things. If you’re congregation is putting too much stress on your spouse or kids, or if there are outside circumstances that is making things unbearable for your family, you may want to go.

I don’t know… I guess I’m trying to tell you something that I couldn’t hear. When I was having a difficult time in the pastorate, I was very eager to blame every problem on myself, but sometimes, even if you know that staying will be the best thing for the church, sometimes it’s okay to leave.

Any other indicators? What would you add?

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In our home, we’ve been talking about becoming vegetarians for a while now. We did it for a couple of years, but then we became pastors. In Louisiana, there was no getting away from the roast at the Sunday afternoon potluck, and so I slid back into my carnivorous ways.

But, for some health and environmental reasons, I’m thinking about it again. It would be much, much easier in the D.C. area, because there are always vegetarian options on every menu–even at the church potluck. Although, I would hate to get rid of my grill. I have a serious bond with my grill.

Are there any vegetarians out there? What has your experience been? Have you been able to handle it as a church leader? What about parents? Any advice on the kids?

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Sarah over at deeper in me than i is asking about the PCUSA ordination exams–Theology and Worship specifically. I actually did well on these (unlike another exam…), so I can tell you what I did.

As for the ordination process in general, I went into it thinking that I ought to be as honest as possible, presenting my doubts and fears and struggles, and once the committee understood the purity of my motives and call, then they would be compelled to allow me to be ordained. I quickly learned that I was going about it the wrong way.

A good professor took me aside and told me, “Don’t look at any of this as an honest exploration. Treat every step is a job interview. Every step.” He told me about the hot debate that was going on regarding the virgin birth when he was in seminary. He was asked if he believed in the virgin birth and he said, “Yes. Is there anything else you would like for me to believe?”

His advice to me was, “Lie, lie, lie, and lie some more, if you have to. Just make sure that you get through the process.”

I am not passing on this advice… exactly…. I’m just saying that it was good for me to hear. I am overly honest in general, but they didn’t really want to hear about all my problems. So, I got a lot smarter in the process. I learned that there would be other times and places to shake up the establishment, but as long as I was in the ord process, I needed to play by the rules.

So, for the ord exams. Of course, you can make sure you study the Creeds and the Directory for Worship. I think the Directory of Worship was the main thing that I read to prepare for the worship exam.

My theology professor in Seminary was Stacy Johnson, so I read everything he wrote (as I did with all my profs). And I found that the Reformed Readers, Volumes One and Two, were extremely helpful. Actually, I think you might just get away with volume one…. They go through the Reformed thinkers, set out the history, and give you a condensed segment of their work.

Of course, I had to ignore many of the personal rules that I often maintain when presenting theological thought in my congregation. For example, when teaching classes in a congregational setting, I try to always include a woman, a person of color, and/or someone from a liberationist position (I use the term “liberationist” quite broadly). I also try to include an American, because we spend so much time in Europe, we don’t always reflect on what theology looks like in our own country.

And yet, it seems like the Ord readers aren’t much interested in modern or diverse thought. So, I stuck with the classics. And that’s why I point you to the Reformed Readers.

Another general piece of advice, that I’m sure you’ve already gotten. You’ve been writing for professors for the last couple of years. You can make certain intellectual jumps, and your teacher will understand where you’re going. But while taking your ords, imagine writing basics for a typical church member. Use plain words and keep it simple.

Anyone else have some advice? What about the graders and COPM members out there?

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It’s been a long time since Jonathan wrote this, but I keep thinking about it.

Basically, his blog gets about 100 hits per day, and most come through google searches. But one day (a Saturday, to be more specific) he got over a thousand hits from people looking for “Memorial Day Sermon.”

So, what do you think about this? Obviously, we had a lot of last-minute pastors grasping for straws (but, of course, since they ended up on Jonathan’s site, they got very well written, theologically deep sermons). But, I wonder, how much plagiarism is going on? Or, is it just healthy research and sharing sermon ideas?

Do you post your sermons? I don’t usually post them because I assume no one reads anything that long. But maybe they do. Maybe the real question is, are they reading them too closely? As a pastor, do you care about people stealing your stuff? Or are you in the camp with Neal Locke who often quotes Woody Guthrie:

This song is Copyrighted in U.S., under Seal of Copyright # 154085, for a period of 28 years, and anybody caught singin’ it without our permission, will be mighty good friends of ourn, cause we don’t give a dern. Publish it. Write it. Sing it. Swing to it. Yodel it. We wrote it, that’s all we wanted to do.

the photo’s by takomabibelot.

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As many of you know, our church, Western Presbyterian is the home of Miriam’s Kitchen, a feeding and social services program in D.C. Miriam’s was on NPR yesterday. Here’s an article link and a recipe from Steve Badt, the chef.

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First, I’m reading Consumed by Benjamin R. Barber, which has some interesting ideas in it. One of the main points that I’ve taken from it is advertiser’s ability to create need where we don’t have one. And one of the major ways they can do it is by manipulating what age we strive for. In other words, when we are younger, we long to be older. And when we are older, we long to be younger.

I see this as a mom. My daughter has been buying toy cell phones, pretend make-up, and play ipods since she was a toddler. I fully realize that kids have always played house and doctor, but it seems like there’s something else going on. Kids don’t want to just pretend to be adults, but children want to live like teenagers.

It goes the other way around too, with no one wanting to grow old. Viagra and plastic surgery have kept a generation of grandparents looking and acting like they’re thirty. We seemed to have lost the ability to be content with who we are.

I got annoyed with the book when he was ranting about people in their thirties trying to act like they are in their twenties (It hit a nerve, perhaps? Too close to home? I was okay until he started talking about me). He brought up things that I do, like wear a backpack instead of a brief case. And I was going into a defensive diatribe in my mind, But I wear a backpack because it’s better for my back. We gave up having two cars for the environment, and so I often have to walk over a mile to get home from work. I just can’t use a briefcase and carry my laptop and all those books for a mile….

It was more than hitting too close to home, though. The book has a tone of an extended rant, which made me feel defensive when I actually agreed with a lot of what he said.

Another is The Long Tail by Chris Anderson, which is talking about how our culture is moving from one of hits, to one of hits and niches. Anderson talks a lot about the music industry and how the ipod’s changed it. Now that we don’t have to have the hard media, now that we can now hold the contents of a record store in the palm of our hands, we are choosing more off-the-beaten-path music, and niche markets are growing.

It seems like this shift is occurring in our churches as well. It has always been (and still is, to a certain extent) that the people who lead our conferences and our continuing education events were all pastors of churches of thousands. They would tell the rest of us what they were doing, and we would write down notes. We would learn about the technology, and drama, and programs, and music that were so out of reach in our own congregations. We would be inspired, but then we would return with a bit of despair. The massive congregation with thousands of members was the hit, and became the norm for the rest of us. But we knew that it was out of our reach.

Many of us are moving away from that now. Just like parts of our culture are moving away from the hits and finding their own niches–the music, books, entertainment that make the most sense in their own contexts–we are beginning to see more dignity, value, and worth in our small communities of faith. The churches that are taking care of one another. The ones that are less about entertainment, and more about those rudimentary connections with God and one another.

photo’s by One Cool Cat

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A quote from a recent conversation with guy who doesn’t understand blogging.

Guy: I just don’t understand why blogs are suddenly so important. I read them, and it’s all crap. It’s all personal stuff about people’s lives, and I just don’t care. People say that there are good blogs out there, but I can’t find any. Who’s got all that time? Who’s going to sort through all of that stuff? And the comments are so mean-spirited. Who cares what those people think?

Actually, this is one quote, but I’ve had the conversation a hundred times. It’s voiced in different ways, but it’s usually the same stream of questions. It feels like they are asking, “Why would I care about your life? How can anything substantial regarding ecclesiology come from people who do not have the proper credentials, who are self-publishing? Why would I want to read material that has not gone through the rigors of selection and editing?”

So, what would you say to them?

It seems like there is a shift happening here. Maybe I have too much time on my hands, or maybe I just watch less television, but I’m often sorting through blogs. Visiting my favorite ones and discovering new ones. I like the fact that they seem kind of raw and unedited. I like the mundanity. I like reading the rants that would have no life left in them after they went through the sterilizing editing process, or if the author put more time and thought into them. I like being able to talk back and question the writers and readers. I love the feeling of building a relationship with someone that I’ve never met.

But what about those questions? Are some of them valid? If church leaders are going to be expected to blog (and I think they will), isn’t that just another layer of hassle on top of our already too busy lives? How do you find blogs that are interesting? Do you think that anything important is happening here? Why do you read, write, and comment on them?

And while I’m on this barrage of questions… is there a blogging etiquette? If there is, what does it include? Personally, these are the formerly unwritten rules that I abide by:

If I write a blog, I should read blogs. I don’t know why. It just feels like someone is too big for the genre if they’re not willing to show up on someone else’s site a little bit. Plus, it’s about the conversation and not the dissemination of information.

If someone comments on my site, then I usually visit their site. Again, it just feels like a common courtesy.

I try not to post a comment that’s longer than the original post. Although I’m not always able to do it, and I love reading comments that are longer than my post, I know that it annoys other bloggers.

I try to always remember that it’s a hobby. I love taglines that proclaim how the author is changing the face of Christianity with his blog, or other such grandiose idea. But I realize I’m just banging out my thoughts. Reflecting on everyday life. And, you know, if it’s no longer fun, then I’ll walk away.

So what would you add?

photo’s by MrLomo

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It’s fascinating to watch current church movements. This is such an exciting time.

And, as I look around, I wonder, what will become of the emerging church? Emerging church leaders are beginning to define themselves more and more, not necessarily by what they are, but by what they are not. And, it seems, that they are not denominational. Some of them see denominations as structures that hinder innovation, as stagnant relics of church gone by. Which, I understand and respect. I just don’t find myself in the same place.

I find myself in the same position as most of the women leaders in the movement–I am also a part of a denominational church. A church that saw my potential for the pastorate even before I noticed it myself.

I wonder what will happen in the movement. The emerging church gained a whole lot of momentum through anglimergents, presbymergents, emerginglutherans and emerging umc. We are people who aren’t ready to pack up and leave our denominations–even if we might be frustrated with them. Even if we know that they are not going to look the same in a few years.

Yet we are excited about how God is moving in a new generation through the reclaiming of spiritual practices, a hunger to do something about poverty and the environment. We are innovative and interested in new ways to organize and form conversations through technology. We are comfortable with the questions of faith, and we have humility about what we can know about God. And we see how power is shifting to the margins, how much our local churches matter.

But it makes curious…are we being kicked out of the emergent church movement? Is the movement becoming more and more exclusive? Or do we stay and continue to shrug off the attacks on our denominations? And, will the emergent movement be able to survive if they cut the denominational churches off?

I wonder what will become of people like me. People who have no problem stating clearly what they believe about LGBTQ inclusion or women in leadership. People who have no qualms about being socially progressive. People who have no hesitation with some “-isms” (like feminism–the stream where so much great postmodern philosophy and theology comes from). Church leaders who are thoroughly postmodern, love reading Jacques Derrida, Julia Kristeva, Michel Foucault, Luce Irigaray, and still see value in structures that empower the powerless and give voice to the voiceless. People who see the ability to of denominational structures to keep power in check. People who like democracy. Postmodern pastors who are still really happy about having a pension.

There are a lot of us out here. So where do you think all of this is going? Will there be a new movement of Christians who are disenfranchised by the disenfranchised?

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I’ve been in Florida just long enough to be appalled by all of the development. I grew up here, in the seventies, when Ron Jon’s was a small surf shop with sand on the ground. Now, the overuse of fiberglass is making me feel itchy all over, and I walk around thinking, When I was a kid, you could see the beach from A1A…now look at all of these condos….

As a bit of therapy, I’ll be reading Carl Hiaasen for weeks to come.

But I did get to spend a day at the beach. I got to see the sky, which I had been missing. My daughter got to go theme parking. And we saw grandma and grandpa. So, it’s been an all-around good trip.

As I noted in my last post, I’ve been experimenting with different ways of leading conferences, different styles. And so I’m wondering…what is the best format that you’ve seen? What do you enjoy doing when you lead classes? Do you like having sheets of paper? Power point? Marker and big pad of paper? What else is there? What do you hate seeing?

I do have a power point prepared, but PP makes me nervous because I taught a class one time when it didn’t work. Or it almost didn’t work. I was sweating it…. Plus, I’m always borrowing my colleague’s projector, and I don’t want to travel with it. I would have to get my own projector, or pray that whatever projector that was provided would actually work. In all, it adds another layer of stress and I’m not sure if it’s worth it. What do you think? Do you like them?

As I wrote in my last post, I went cold-turkey this last time, and I just lectured for 40 minutes. The keynote was entitled “The Tribal Church.” And then at the end, a guy came up and asked where he could get a copy of my notes, and I answered, “Well, most of the information is in my book.”

“What? You wrote a book?”

“Yes. It’s called Tribal Church.”

“Oh yeah. I know that book. Wait. You wrote that book?”

And that’s when I realized that the whole cold-turkey thing wasn’t working.

Another thing that doesn’t completely work is evaluations. It’s interesting. I learned this in D.C. from a person who studies polling data. She said that people typically are not motivated to answer polls, or fill out evaluations, or give feedback unless they are angry or frustrated about something. If they are content or happy, they won’t bother. So evaluations, polls, and comment cards are typically skewed for negative feedback.

I know it’s true for me when I comment on blogs. If I disagree with the post, I usually comment, but if I agree, I don’t always do it. The same with customer surveys. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting really, really tired of filling out surveys. I quit going to my mechanic, because I had to fill out a survey every time I got an oil change. I have to answer one each time I don’t give money to the Kennedy Center. I have to answer one every time I need to call my phone company. We’re living in an age of data-overkill, I think. People are reading surveys more than ever, but they’re not really stopping to hear individuals.

So, I ask you, as an individual, what do you think? And I promise not to make you put your comment on a scale from one to five (five being extremely satisfied, one being not satisfied at all…).

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